So, dear reader (you knows who you is) - here it is for the first time on the Information SuperHighway InterWeb : Phil's Damn Fine Internationally And Totally, like, Famous Tomato Chutney.
2 pounds (1Kg) tomatoes, chopped: finely as you can be bothered.
3 chillies cut finely
4 onions, chopped finely
1 tablespoon dry mustard
2 tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 cups brown sugar
3 tablespoons plain baking flour
2 1/4 cups malt vinegar
Dessert spoons of any of the following, according to taste: grated ginger, Anise, Cinnamon, Cumin, Cloves, thinly sliced Garlic
then 1/4 cup malt vinegar
NOW .. there is a trick to chopping a shiteload of onions without becoming terminally dehydrated by totally pointless crying. I was told this years ago but didn't really believe it: OK - slice your onion in half:
Then chop it into parallel slices. Now, I have read that the whole smelly and eye-watering thing with onions and garlic and such is actually a protective measure. I.e. once the onion realises that it has been chopped, It gets all defensive and releases noxious eye-watering chemicals in order to deter the assailant.
So the trick is: to cut it up before it knows that it's dead. So .. next - chop it very quickly after rotating the sliced onion 180 degrees.
Put tomatoes and onions into a non-metal bowl. Sprinkle with salt and leave for 12 hours.
Drain off liquid formed. Put vegetables, sugar, first measure of vinegar and chillies into a preserving pan. Boil gently for 1 ½ hours, stirring frequently. Add grated ginger, Anise, Cinnamon, Cumin, Cloves, Garlic
Mix mustard, curry, flour and second measure of vinegar to a smooth paste. Stir into relish. Boil for 5 minutes. Pack into hot sterilised jars (heat in oven). Makes about 4 small jars.
For extra flavour: Add - Ginger (pref grated), cumin, cinnamon, cloves, 5 Spice, Fennel, sliced garlic.