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Auckland, North Island, New Zealand
Wine tour operator, wine writer and lapsed physiotherapist. "Nature abhors a vacuum. I personally hate dusting."


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Why is Jasper so awful ???

Jasper looks nice enough, fer sure.  But there is a  black side to the dark Lab.

For instance -  he had his 30 min walkie before bed, and then I bid him goodnight and left him shut in the dining room as usual where he has his dog bed and blanket.  (He used to sleep by our bed but his snoring, scratching, stretching and yawning and general nocturnal cacophony meant that we didn't get any sleep).
Tonight we are having an early night as we both have an early start in the morning.

So I'm just drifting off and I hear 'bang'  ... 'bang' ... bang ... from downstairs.  I go down to investigate and catch Jasper trying to force open the bi fold doors into the lounge - where he likes to sleep on the leather couch and leave scratch marks.

NO!  Bad dog. GO. TO. SLEEP!

I'm fast asleep.  It's about midnight, and I hear scratch ...scratch ... scratch..from downstairs. I go down to investigate and find that Jasper is at the kitchen door in his 'I wanna pee' mode.  OK.  I let Jasper out as a blast of cold air rushes in and freezes me in the doorway.  Jasper circles around, finds the perfect feng shui dog pee spot. Squats, and relieves his bladder.  Better outside than inside.
'Good boy'. 
I bribe him with a biscuit to get him back inside, as I'm in mild hypothermia at this stage.
'Go to sleep'.
I leave him on his bed curled up in sleep mode, gently close the door and go back to bed.

I'm in deep,deep sleep and it's about 2.30 am, and I hear scratch ...scratch ... scratch..from downstairs.
F**K!!!!  Bloody dog!  If they hadn't already been removed, I'd cut his goolies off.
I go down to investigate and find that Jasper is at the kitchen door.
I sigh, and open the door for him.  
'Off you go - have a pee'. 
No response.  Jasper pokes his nose just outside the door, sniffs gently, stays still. Looks at the moon.
I push him gently from behind.  He braces his 40Kg of bulk and refuses to budge.
I shut the door.
He immediately waddles over to the pantry, sniffs the door - 'Well, how about a biscuit, seeing you're awake 'n all, Phil?
NO! Bad dog. GO. TO. BED!

I stay awake for about an hour, sleep fitfully and finally wake with the alarm feeling shattered the next morning.

1 comment:

  1. This is why I no longer have a dog. What is it with black Labradors?